But Officer...!
I hear tell of people wiggling their way out of traffic tickets all the time. But I really have to wonder, when is the right time to start gilding the officer's lilly?
Yesterday, shortly after making an illegal left turn off of Town Path onto Northern Boulevard (State Route 25A)in Roslyn, I had an encounter with the Popo.
I was quick to take off my sunglasses and turn down the Nordic Lounge Vol. III, but the officer -- the good of the two cops -- was equally quick to demand my license and registration.
"No, that's your insurance card! Do you have your reggie?," cutely inquired the officer?
"Oh yeah!," I said, handing it to him slowly, giving myself time to write the dialogue for the scene in my head, thinking that the term, "reggie," was downright adorable!
When the officer asked me if I knew I had done wrong, I recalled the thoughts that had just gone through my head as I made the illegal turn (clearly marked as illegal). My thoughts had actually proceeded in a predictable sequence:
1. "Gee, no left turn, eh? I guess this way wasn't faster after all."
2. "Hmmm... I don't want to go to the right. Must I?"
3. "Maybe they don't really mean no left turn."
4. "Am I in Massachusetts? They don't care about this kind of signage in MA."
5. "Oh, there's a traffic light to the left -- left-turn ho!"
6. "Yes! Made it to the stop light. Nice!"
Recalling those 6 thoughts, followed by the pull-over, I decided to respond, "Ummm... Was I going a little fast over the hill there or something?"
"No," said the officer, slightly puzzled, "you made an illegal left turn off of Town Path!"
"Town path, huh? So that's not so good is it? Wait, illegal!?"
I began to think about where we might take this line of discourse, ready to summon the opportunity for police laugh-hour across from the luxury car dealership on a severely-angled road. But even this "good cop" would have none of that. Where was the opportunity for witty villain banter with the Popo? Some of the things I could have said, were he a more willing audience might include:
"But officer, don't you remember those stories of the sniper on top of the bagel store down the block? I had to get away as quickly as possible!"
"But officer, if I had made a right turn I would have later had to make an illegal U-turn to wind up in the right direction. This was clearly the lesser of two evils."
"But officer, have you never driven in New Mexico? The width of those roads (across which people routinely make left turns) make Northern Boulevard look like someone's driveway!"
"But officer, perhaps you're not familiar with the swift pickup of the KOMPRESSOR C230 Coupe engine?"
"But officer, I'm dislexic!"
Alas, I said none of these -- there was nary a chance!
When bad cop (who was apparently disgraphic for it took him a good 10 minutes to write maybe 50 characters), returned to the car with my summons in hand, he curtly announced that I could appear in court to respond to the charge of illegal left-turnage, or I could just plead 'n' pay.
Deciding that THIS was my opportunity for officer-motorist rapprochement, I kept my hands folded in my lap and refused to take the summons from his hand. As he began to shake it in my general direction, I looked up and him incredulously, with a stern frown and wondered, "But officer, is this really a ticket-worthy offense?"
"You madeuh left uhcross fawhr lanesuh traffic. That's dangerous!"
Again, I thought of New Mexico, Land of Enchantment, land of cars sitting in a median waiting for the second step of a two-step left-turn-making process across two sides of a road with cars travelling between 50 and 70 MPH.
"You have no idea...," I said as I snapped the ticket from his claws and rolled up my window.
Afterwords, I pondered going back and ripping the no-left-turn symbol off of the sign and then pleading innocent to the summons. "But your honor, I didn't see any warning that such behavior was illegal!" But I figured that the vandalism charge (which, in my huge maroon mumu, someone would likely see and report to the appropriate authorities), would have been even more invidious than my alleged improper turning.
I suppose I'll just pay for my arrogance -- at only $105, it huts my wallet a lot less than either a parking or cell phone ticket! :(
Yesterday, shortly after making an illegal left turn off of Town Path onto Northern Boulevard (State Route 25A)in Roslyn, I had an encounter with the Popo.
I was quick to take off my sunglasses and turn down the Nordic Lounge Vol. III, but the officer -- the good of the two cops -- was equally quick to demand my license and registration.
"No, that's your insurance card! Do you have your reggie?," cutely inquired the officer?
"Oh yeah!," I said, handing it to him slowly, giving myself time to write the dialogue for the scene in my head, thinking that the term, "reggie," was downright adorable!
When the officer asked me if I knew I had done wrong, I recalled the thoughts that had just gone through my head as I made the illegal turn (clearly marked as illegal). My thoughts had actually proceeded in a predictable sequence:
1. "Gee, no left turn, eh? I guess this way wasn't faster after all."
2. "Hmmm... I don't want to go to the right. Must I?"
3. "Maybe they don't really mean no left turn."
4. "Am I in Massachusetts? They don't care about this kind of signage in MA."
5. "Oh, there's a traffic light to the left -- left-turn ho!"
6. "Yes! Made it to the stop light. Nice!"
Recalling those 6 thoughts, followed by the pull-over, I decided to respond, "Ummm... Was I going a little fast over the hill there or something?"
"No," said the officer, slightly puzzled, "you made an illegal left turn off of Town Path!"
"Town path, huh? So that's not so good is it? Wait, illegal!?"
I began to think about where we might take this line of discourse, ready to summon the opportunity for police laugh-hour across from the luxury car dealership on a severely-angled road. But even this "good cop" would have none of that. Where was the opportunity for witty villain banter with the Popo? Some of the things I could have said, were he a more willing audience might include:
"But officer, don't you remember those stories of the sniper on top of the bagel store down the block? I had to get away as quickly as possible!"
"But officer, if I had made a right turn I would have later had to make an illegal U-turn to wind up in the right direction. This was clearly the lesser of two evils."
"But officer, have you never driven in New Mexico? The width of those roads (across which people routinely make left turns) make Northern Boulevard look like someone's driveway!"
"But officer, perhaps you're not familiar with the swift pickup of the KOMPRESSOR C230 Coupe engine?"
"But officer, I'm dislexic!"
Alas, I said none of these -- there was nary a chance!
When bad cop (who was apparently disgraphic for it took him a good 10 minutes to write maybe 50 characters), returned to the car with my summons in hand, he curtly announced that I could appear in court to respond to the charge of illegal left-turnage, or I could just plead 'n' pay.
Deciding that THIS was my opportunity for officer-motorist rapprochement, I kept my hands folded in my lap and refused to take the summons from his hand. As he began to shake it in my general direction, I looked up and him incredulously, with a stern frown and wondered, "But officer, is this really a ticket-worthy offense?"
"You madeuh left uhcross fawhr lanesuh traffic. That's dangerous!"
Again, I thought of New Mexico, Land of Enchantment, land of cars sitting in a median waiting for the second step of a two-step left-turn-making process across two sides of a road with cars travelling between 50 and 70 MPH.
"You have no idea...," I said as I snapped the ticket from his claws and rolled up my window.
Afterwords, I pondered going back and ripping the no-left-turn symbol off of the sign and then pleading innocent to the summons. "But your honor, I didn't see any warning that such behavior was illegal!" But I figured that the vandalism charge (which, in my huge maroon mumu, someone would likely see and report to the appropriate authorities), would have been even more invidious than my alleged improper turning.
I suppose I'll just pay for my arrogance -- at only $105, it huts my wallet a lot less than either a parking or cell phone ticket! :(
posted by Matty at 4:00 PM
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